


Afraid

by 3CaptainVox7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bittersweet, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Remus Lupin, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Muteness, Orphan Remus Lupin, Orphanage, Orphans, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sadness, Why Did I Write This?, Young James Potter, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3CaptainVox7/pseuds/3CaptainVox7
Summary: No magic AU: Remus Lupin is living in an orphanage after he was saved at ten after he was kidnapped by Grayback when he was four and Grayback killed his parents. Remus has not spoken since. (Warring PTSD, Child abuse and Kidnapping)
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Learning to Breathe](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/655768) by RedPandaPatronus. 



People don’t understand what it's like to grow up without someone to tell you that they love you. People don’t understand that you have not spoken since you were four years old. A ten-year-old looked around his room at the orphanage that he lived in. He has been here for two weeks. Two weeks since he was living with a man that he does not even want to think about anymore. The boy’s name was Remus John Lupin. He smiled when he felt the sun on his scarred face. The warmth made him feel happy and relaxed. He knows now that the worst is over. Or at least that is what he tells himself in his mind. Remus opened his amber eyes and ran a hand over his sandy brown hair. Remus wished that he could say goodbye to his parents one last time, but he can't. Their dead and he will never see then again. Hot tears formed in Remus’s eyes, but he shook his head and took a deep breath to stop them from coming out. _‘I will not cry.’_ He thought with a sigh when he looked to his door when he heard a knock.

“Mr. Lupin are you up?” someone said on the other side of the door. Remus still has not leaned everyone’s names yet and the person at the door. He has no idea the name of him. Remus nodded and got out of bed before he walked to the door and opened it slowly. “Ah, hello Mr. Lupin. Sleep well?” he asked. Remus nodded and sighed and shook his head.

_‘No, what do you think?’_ Remus thought looking down to the floor. The man sighed and nodded.

“All right, come one. Let's go get something to eat and then,” Remus nodded and followed him out of the room with a small sigh. He told himself that he would try to talk today but he hasn’t. Remus put his hands in his pockets. He then thought back to that day, two weeks, and five days ago when he was found.

_“Boy! Cub! Time to get up,” the voice of Greyback said though a large locked door. Remus opened his tired amber eyes. He just could not get some sleep after Grayback hit him with his, it was too dark to see what hit him with but the now ten-year-old wished that he was out of this room. “Boy. Don’t make me get the……” Remus got to his feet and knocked on the door. Remus waited for the door to open thinking about when he was brought here. Remus wished that he were home right now with his mom, his dad. Hell, he wished that he were with that one aunt that hated him when he was younger. The door opened revealed a big man with graying hair and bight amber eyes just like his own. Remus did not meet his eyes. He was not supposed to, but he had no desire to see his eyes. His dead eyes, that say ‘I will hurt you if you mess up.’_ _“Hello, boy, did you sleep well?” Remus did not say anything he has not spoken for three months. He was unsure why maybe it was because of all the screaming that he did? Remus sighed and nodded. “Good come, we have a lot of fun things to do today,” Grayback said grasping Remus’s arm and pulled him out of the room._

Remus sat down next to the man and shook his head from that memory. He’s been seeing those days for days, but he did not want anyone to know this. He wanted to suffer in silence. “Now, Remus,” the man was saying, and Remus wished that he knew his name but he did not want to ask. He did not want to speak, and he thinks that this man knows this. “We are going to go out today. You know for a walk. How does that sound?” Remus smiled and nodded. This man was his help, that is what he calls him anyway. Remus had met his last week.

_‘A walk would be nice. What about….. no, he’s in prison. He can’t hurt you Lupin.’_ Remus thought smiling a little. Then he sighed and started to eat as the other kids ran in. Remus sighed when he remembered when he learned that his parents were killed right before he was saved. Tears welled up in his eyes but he did not let them fall as he watched the others talk and tell stupid storys about things that children talk about. Remus will never have that because of the things that he has just witnessed

“So, when you get ready for the day we can get going,” the man said smiling at Remus who smiled at him. “Oh, and I realized I’ve not told you my name have I?” he added. Remus nodded and took a bite. “All right. I’m Victor,” Remus held out his hand for Victor to shake. Victor took it and nodded. “All right, are you ready?” Victor asked Remus who nodded and stood but he felt weird inside for some reason that he could not place now.

_‘maybe I can get out of not going out? No, I must face the world. What if…. what if I cant..? cant…..’_ Remus sighed when he heard the nervous thoughts running through his head. He hated them, he wished that they would just stop and go away.

“Remus?” Remus was standing by the table with his eyes closed not moving. Victor looked at him worried. Remus sighed and walked back to his room. Victor followed him like he always does every morning. Remus liked Victor he was nice, and he did not push him to speak but sometimes, sometimes he wished that he could have some alone time. He knows that this is a bad thing, him being alone but he wanted to think make his messed up mind straight, but he just couldn’t. Victor was nice, he was helping him, but Remus wanted to be alone. Why cant he just be alone?


	2. Sunny fun day in the park?

Remus was liking this, the wind on his face and the worth of the morning sun beating down on him. Its been a while since he could just enjoy this feeling and he liked it. No, he loved it. Remus smiled and looked over to Victor who smiled back at him. “Ah, I see you are liking this Mr. Lupin,” Victor told him with a small chuckle when Remus nodded and make a hand gesture of happiness. Remus looked around to see some people out walking or at little diners outside talking and drinking coffee or tea. He then saw some kids running to a large building which he assumes is a school. Remus has not been to a school in his life. He wonders what it's like so he watched the kids run-up to the building as he stopped walking. Victor did as well but he did not say anything as he watched Remus. “You know,” Victor said after a few minutes. “Someday you can go to school and learn a lot of new things,” Victor told Remus who smiled but deep down he wondered when. His life will never be the same and he knows that he will never be able to go to school

 _‘When though?’_ Remus thought as he dropped his head and started to walk again. Victor sighed and started to walk again.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure you will now look,” Victor told him pointing to a park ahead of them. “Do you want to play?” Victor asked. He has no idea what he is doing, he handled cases like Remus but Remus, Remus seemed more, well he does not know the word. Victor however is there for Remus even if he has to adopt him he will. Remus stared at the park and then back at Victor with a questioning look. A look that says: ‘Can I? Are you sure you won't be mad?’ Victor sighed at this look and nodded. “Of course, you can Remus. You can do whatever you want to,” Remus smiled widely and ran over to the playground with Victor smiling but this did not hide the pain and anger in his eyes, ‘ _No ten year old should have to go through this.’_ Victor thought sadly as he walked over to the park bench.

Remus was playing pirate when he saw Victor smile at him. Remus smiled back but he continued to spin the fake wheel on the playground silently laughing as he does so. He does not know how long he was doing this. _‘This…this is fun.’_ Remus thought with a smile. _‘I wish I had someone to play with though. Maybe if….no, I don’t what to say anything right now. When are you going to though Lupin? Maybe never. Yeah, maybe never.’_ Remus let out a breath and looked around him. He saw some swings. Maybe he could…yeah, he can go on the swings. It feels so weird to him to have all this power, no, not power freedom. Yeah, freedom. He’s not used to it, but he liked it. Remus got off the tower that he was playing on and walked over to the swings. He sat down confused on what to do so he just sat there lost in thought. However, his mind started to go back, back to that day…. or was it the years but he could not stop it. Remus stared off into space with Victor watching him.

“Remus? Remus?!” Victor called when he saw the ice cream truck. However, when he looked back to Remus he saw that he had fallen off the swing and was just lying there. “Crap!” he called running over to Remus. This has only happened once late at night on the first night he was looking after him. “Remus!” he called getting down to his knees to check if he did not hurt himself. thankfully, he didn’t. “Remus, can you hear me?” Victor asked but Remus did not respond. For he was too lost in the memory.

_Pain went through Remus as Grayback hit him with the large frying pan. Remus did not know why Grayback beat him. All he knows is that it made him not care about anything anymore. He has no one, not anymore. “Come on cub,” Remus hatted that nickname, but he stopped talking so he can't tell him to stop. “Where are those sassy remarks? Huh?” Grayback said after he put the bloody pan down. Remus let out a breath, but he did not say anything. “Say something my son!” he demanded. Remus also hates how just because they have the same eye color means that they are father and son. They aren’t. Remus told him this, but he got hit with…. he doesn’t even remember what it was. Remus ran a hand through his hair and stared at the pan. He then shook his head. “No? Why? Cub. We are family now; your father and I were great friends. It’s a shame he had to die,” Remus stared at him before he swings his arm to hit the man but Grayback gripped his arm and pulled him along the floor to the basement. Remus hatted the basement. It was cold and there was no food or water. Last time Remus was down there, he was there for four days. Remus, however, did not call out to stop because he does not care anymore. Greyback broke him. He broke him when he killed his parents. Hell, he might have when he was taken at four years old. Greyback sighed and opened the basement door before he pushed the boy. “Go, don’t make me push you again,” he demanded. Remus let out a breath and limped down the stairs. “Faster!” he called before he slammed the door closed and muttered something about ungrateful kids before he went to go get a beer._

Remus opened his eyes slowly to see Victor looking at him. A doctor was walking up to the two. “Remus? Are you all right?” Victor asked Remus who nodded slowly wiping the tears from his eyes. “Thank goodness. Come on, why don’t you sit up?” Remus nodded when the doctor walked up to Victor.

“Hello there,” the doctor said calmly “Harry Potter and you are?” he asked Victor who took his hand.

“Victor Frye. This is my change Remus Lupin,” Victor said looking at Remus who smiled and took a deep calming breath. “Remus, I’m going to talk with Mr. Potter. I’ll be right back ok?” Victor said looking at Remus who nodded with tears in his eyes still

 _‘Crap he saw that. Why did he saw that? Why can't I just be alone? I want to be alone forever. I don’t need anyone. Do I though?’_ Remus thought looking at Victor as he was talking with the doctor. Remus has never seen him before and he wondered if he had helped him with..no..no he will not think about that. Never again will he think about that. _‘Why does this keep happening to me? I wish that it would stop.’_ Remus though bringing his knees up to his face and closed his eyes. He then started to rock to calm himself.

Victor looked over to Remus and sighed. “So, tell me what happened again?” Mr. Potter asked Victor. Victor looked back at him and told him everything. Harry hummed and nodded. “Can I go see him? You said that he does not talk but I would like to talk with him,” Harry added. Victor nodded as the two walked over to Remus who did not see the adults walking over to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? Thank you all for reading and tell me what you think. I’m really liking this story and I hope that you are liking it as well. Thank you again and I will see you next time.


	3. Ice cream and rainy afternoon

Remus did not notice Mr. Potter sitting down next to him. “Mr. Lupin?” Mr. Potter said gently. Remus removed his knees and smiled at Mr. Potter, but tears were forming in his eyes. “I know, I’m sorry you went through that,” Remus nodded and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I know it seems dark, really dark right now, but I know that it will get better,” Remus smiled at this and looked down in shame.

 _‘I’m sorry I can’t talk with you. I’m a failure.’_ Remus thought looking around. Mr. Potter sighed and looked at Victor. Victor sat down next to Remus and pulled up some paper.

“Remus, why don’t you write what your thinking? I know you might not want to, but it might be a good plan to do it now... I was going to ask you this next week but let's give it a try,” Victor said looking at Mr. Potter who nodded.

“That is a great idea,” Mr. Potter said nodding to Remus who took the paper and a pen and thought for a minute before he wrote.

 _“I’m so sorry I can't talk to you guys. I wish I could but…..I’m a failure. A failure,”_ Remus showed them the paper and shook their heads.

“You are not Remus. You are not a failure. Do you want some ice cream after Mr. Potter looks you over?” Victor asked Remus who nodded and stood up with the help of Victor.

After Mr. Potter left, Remus well, Remus felt tired but right when he got that chocolate cone in his hand his amber eyes went wide. He then looked up to Victor who nodded. “Yes, Remus you can eat it. Enjoy,” Victor told him. Remus smiled and licked it. Soon the cone was gone, and Remus felt a lot happier but deep down he knows that he was not happy. “All right, come on, lets head back. it looks like it's going to rain,” Remus nodded. He liked the rain; it calmed his mind and he loved to watch it even though the other kids make fun of him for this. Therefore, he is always in his room. He fears that Victor will make him see the other kids. Remus did not care for them because he does not need anyone even though he keeps telling himself this. Remus and Victor walked back to the orphanage when they saw a mother angry though open the door.

“Get out!” she cried, and Remus looked away holding his ears, so he did not hear this mother's demands. Victor saw this and sighed.

“Remus, why don’t you go inside. I’ll see what this is,” Victor told him.

 _‘You don’t need to tell me twice.’_ Remus thought before he ran up the stairs and into the orphanage. Victor watched him before he looked back to the car and a boy stepped out with tears in his eyes and blood on the cut on his face.

“Mother I was only…..playing with him,” the boy with black hair and warm gray eyes cried but the mother shook her head in the car.

“We don’t talk to freaks like them. I’ve told you this Sirius, now, go. I never want to see you again. I should have put you here after you caused Regulus’s death,” she muttered before the car door slammed and the boy grabbed a warm out truck. The boy turned around and saw Victor watch the car with anger in his face. He then cleared his throat.

“Hello, I’m…. I’m Sirius Orion Black the third. Can I ask your name sir,” the boy-Sirius said very politely. Victor was taken by surprise by this. This ten-year-old is not acting just like a ten-year-old.

 _‘Much like Remus.’_ Victor thought. Then he smiled and said: “Victor Frye. Why don’t we go inside?” Victor asked the boy who sighed and nodded. As they walked up the steps Victor heard Sirius mutter under his breath about his stupid family. Victor nodded at this when he realized that Sirius did not have a good home life. _‘At least he’s not living with them anymore. Now he has no family.’_ Victor thought opening the door with Sirius going in first Victor followed him and hoped that Remus is alright. 

Remus sat in his room looking down at his hands. The scars made him sad and angry at what he went through. He should have spoken up, ran away. Do something but he was weak. He’s a freak now because he didn’t call for help. _‘Yes, I’m a freak.’_ He thought with tears running down his face. He sat in the dark. He liked the dark, that is how he felt inside. Darkness and he delivered this darkness. He knows it. The door was also closed. Not that he cared anyway. This way he can be alone for once and not be alone in that…..that basement. Remus shook his head and sighed. _‘Don’t think about it Lupin. That was in the…. that past.’_ Remus thought when a small knock came on his door. Remus looked up from his hands and closed his eyes before he pulled his covers from his bed over his face.

“Remus? Remus, I know you are there, but I understand wanting to hide so I’ll come back later,” Victor said with the door opened a little. Remus pulled the covers from his face and cleared his throat. However, he did not say anything. 

_‘Don’t leave me.’_ He wanted to cry out, but he just couldn’t. However, when Victor turned on the lights he saw this in Remus’s eyes.

“Remus. You are not alone even though you think you want to be, but you are not. No one should be alone,” Victor told him walking into the room. Remus smiled at him, but he looked away with shame in his eyes still. Victor sighed and looked at the open door. “A new boy came in. Um, he is living in the room next to yours. Do you want to meet him?” Victor asked after a while. Remus sighed knowing that Victor was going to do this but maybe meeting someone who been through something similar then him then he might understand. Remus closed his eyes and opened them before he nodded slowly. “Great,” Victor said standing. “Here, I have some paper if you want to ask him something or tell him your name yourself,” Remus stood as well, nerves firing off inside. He knows that he needs a friend and maybe this boy might be the one. The one who understands him. Remus smiled at this thought and walked out of the room along with Victor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two CH’s in one day. I’m on fire. I really love this story. I hope you guys are liking it. Tell me what you think, and do you think you could help me out with the plot? I know that is a stretch, but I could use some help as some feedback on this story would be nice but please be nice if you chose to do so. This is a hard story for me to write. Thank you again and I will see you next time


	4. Rain storms

Remus was nervous when the came up to the closed door of the new boy. He was not sure if he should do this. Yeah, he can’t do this. However, Remus could not back down now when Victor knocked on the door. “Come in,” a voice said on the other side of the door. Remus closed his eyes when Victor opened the door.

“Yey, it's going to be okay. All right?” Victor told Remus when he opened the door. Remus saw sitting on his bed was the boy with black hair that he saw earlier. He had warm grey eyes that looked just as haunted than his own. “Hello again,” Victor said walking into the room with Remus hiding behind him. The boy nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, I do. Um, can I ask what you are doing…. doing here sir?” the boy asked nervously and looking down to his hands. Victor noticed that he acted like Remus if he talked of course. Victor smiled and looked down at Remus.

“I was wondering if you would like to meet a friend of mine. he lives in the room next to yours,” Victor told the boy who raised an eyebrow and nodded but he did not say anything. Remus stepped up to the boy and waved a little. “This is Remus Lupin,” Remus smiled and looked away.

“Hello Remus, I’m Sirius,” Sirius said holding out his hand. Remus slowly raised his hand and looked at Victor. 

“It’s okay Remus, shake his hand if you want to,” Victor told Remus who took a deep breath and shook his hand. Victor smiled when Sirius let go of his hand but then looked at Victor. “Oh, right, sorry. I help Remus with things. Remus here sadly doesn’t talk anymore since……. When did you, was it after he…….” Remus nodded slowly not wanting to have this conversation. Victor saw this on his face and sighed. “Sorry Remus,” Victor added looking at Remus who nodded.

 _‘It’s ok sir. I understand. He has the right to know.’_ Remus thought looking at a book on Sirius’s desk. He pointed at it with questing eyes. Sirius followed his eyes to the book and smiled.

“Oh, yeah sure you can see it,” Sirius said walking over to his bed and sat down. Remus followed him and sat down next to him. Sirius picked up the book and showed it to Remus. “I stole it from my little brother’s room, he…. he…he loved to read. My ‘mother’ said not to go in there because she didn’t want me to ‘dirty his things’ but one night, when I wasn’t locked in my room, I snuck into his room and took this book, it's um, The picture of Dorian Gray. I’ve never read It, I don’t like reading but it’s nice to have something that belonged to him,” Sirius told Victor and Remus. Victor ran a hand through his hair while Remus started at the book. 

_‘His mother locked him in his room? Just like when Grayback locked me in….’_ Remus shook his head and let out a breath. Victor saw this.

“Are you all right Remus?” Victor asked but Remus shook his head. “All right. Do you want me to leave you two alone or should I stay here and let you two get to know each other?” Victor asked Remus who smiled and pointed to the chair by the window. Victor laughed. “All right. I’ll stay here,”

Remus liked Sirius. he seemed like a nice kid, but Remus could see the anger in his eyes as he talked to him. Remus also asked questions with the paper that Victor gave him. Something seemed off with Sirius though. Remus however did not care about this but what he said earlier about locked in his room. This kept going through Remus’s head and he could not shake it. _‘locked in his room. He was locked in his room, just like I was in the basement. That basement…that…….’_ Remus shook his head with tears in his eyes. Sirius who was telling him a prank that he had pulled on his mother and father saw stopped and looked on Remus.

“Hey, are you ok? I’m sorry if……..” Sirius was cut off with Remus raising his hand.

 _‘No, it’s not you…’_ Remus thought with a sigh. Sirius nodded but he did not say anything as he looked at the clock. Remus followed his gaze and smiled. Sirius smiled back and stood up.

“I don’t know about you but I’m starving,” Sirius told Remus who nodded laughing silently. However, Sirius looked down for a minute with pain in his eyes. He then looked back up with a fat fake smile on his face. “Right let's go shall we?” Sirius said before he left the room. Remus shared a look with Victor who sighed.

“He did not have a good home life. I looked at his record. It’s good that he’s here now,” Victor told him with a sad sigh. Remus nodded and closed his eyes before he looked at the paper and worte:

 _‘I keep thinking about that basement. Can you help me? I don’t want Sirius to see me like that. I don’t want him to see that side of me. I’m broken and..’_ Here Remus cut off and closed his eyes before he showed the paper to Victor read it and looked at Remus who had tears in his eyes.

“Oh, Remus,” Victor cut off not really knowing what to say. Then he closed his eyes. “Remus, why don’t we talk after diner all right?” Victor said standing. Remus stood and nodded slowly.

 _‘I’m so sorry.’_ Remus thought looking down at the scars on his hands. Victor sighed and walked over to him. He didn’t have to say anything to know that Remus is having a hard time.

“Let's go eat. I bet you are hungry,” Remus nodded when Victor said this and walked out of the room together.

After diner, Sirius went to his room as well as the other kids to hang out there until it was time to go to bed but Remus, Remus stayed there on his seat looking down to his hands lost in thought. He was waiting for Victor. He did not know where Victor was, but he did not care. For he needed to be alone right now. The dinner was nice. He spent time together with Sirius who told him more storys about the pranks he had pulled but from time to time he slipped into a sadness that Remus only saw in his eyes. Remus knew this sadness because he felt it every day. Sirius had a family, but they hated him. Remus has no one. No family at all. Who will love him now? Now that, that Greyback killed them. What about a nice warm hug from a mother? A nice game of catch with his father? Or a trip to the zoo to see the wolfs that Remus loves so much? Why cant he….. “There you are, Remus? I was looking for you,” Remus’s thoughts were cut off when Victor walked up to him and sat down. He looked tired to Remus. The bags under his eyes looked new. He looked at him with questioning eyes. Victor smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry about me, Remus. I was just trying to get the younger kids to sleep,” Remus nodded but he sighed. “Yeah, I know its late. Can we have that talk now?” Victor asked Remus who nodded and turned to face Victor, but he did not meet his eyes. “Right,” Victor sighed. “I know you can't change the past and I know that seeing these things might be hard for you. I promise you. that I will be here for you whenever you need me. I don’t care what it takes, I will adopt you to be there for you,” Remus’s eyes welled up with tears as he wrapped his arms around him for the first time. Victor hugged back after a few seconds taken aback by this. Remus has never hugged anyone since he was brought here. “It’s ok, Remus. Why don’t you get ready for bed,” Victor said to Remus who pulled out of the hug and nodded with a smile on his face. Remus then stood with and walked out of the room. Victor was touched by this and closed his eyes knowing that he was good for this poor ten-year-old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right. It took me a while, but he is the next CH. Tell me what you guys think. It would really help thank you. I hope you are liking this story. Thank you all for reading and I will see you next time


	5. Darkness: part one

_The basement was cold, wet and it snuck like gas and blood. Remus could not sleep as he laid there on the hard greasy floor. Hot tears poured out of his eyes because he was angry with himself. He should have run, called for help when he had the change, but he never had that change. Remus let out a breath and looked at the blood on his hand. He was bleeding again, and he hated it. This pain this blinding pain that he feels every day. Why can’t he just die? Then he can see his family again. Then maybe he could be happy. Maybe he can rid himself of this hell that he finds himself in. ‘Why can’t I……’_ _Remus’s thoughts were cut off with the doorbell ringing. ‘What?’_ _Remus thought trying to get to his feet. However, this did not work, and he fell to the ground making something fall over. The last thing Remus heard was Grayback yelling at someone or was it him? Remus did not know for sure. The smell of blood filled his nose and Remus passed out._

Remus opened his eyes to a small nock on the door. “Remus? Remus its time to wake up now. You slept in,” Victor said on the other side of the door. It was hard to hear for Remus, however. His ears were ringing, and his vision was clouded. Victor nocked again. “Remus?” Victor’s voice was getting worried. Victor then opened the door and looked at Remus after he turned on the light. Remus blinked and sighed but he just stared at Victor with fear in his eyes. “Remus, what’s wrong?” Victor asked walking over to Remus’s bed. Remus closed his eyes and pointed to his ears.

 _‘My ears are ringing. I can’t…..I can’t….’_ Remus’s eyes filled with tears. Victor looked at him and sighed before he sat down on Remus’s bed. _‘I cant..’_ Remus thought pulling up his pillow and buried his face in it. Victor looked at him and looked at the door.

“Remus? Did it……it happened again?” Victor asked looking at the clock. It was nine in the morning. Remus opened his eyes and nodded slowly. Victor nodded but he did not say anything. Remus looked up at him and gave him a half-smile. He then stood up and stretched. “Remus, I think... I think we should see if you can see someone about this,” Victor told Remus who nodded in understanding. Victor raised an eyebrow. “Really you want to? I thought you would hate doing that,” Victor said laughing a little. Remus took a few deep breaths and nodded. His head was held high. Victor smiled at him. “Well, I’m proud of you then Remus. Come on. I bet you are hungry,” Victor told Remus who nodded and walked over to the door. Victor nodded and looked around Remus’s room. There was not much in this room that Remus owned, and it made Victor sad by this. This boy, this poor boy has lost everything. Now, he must help him get back on his feet. Remus was only ten. A ten-year-old should not go through this at all. Victor closed his eyes before he walked out of the room.

Sirius was playing by himself when Remus walked up to him and waved. Sirius, however, did not look up at him he just closed his eyes. “Hi, Remus. Do you want to play with me? I have no idea what I’m doing right now with well, whatever this thing is,” Sirius told Remus as he sat down and smiled. He then nodded. “All right, so I was……I have no idea what to do with this. I’ve never…never got a chance to play before,” Sirius amended to Remus who nodded in agreement.

 _‘I haven’t either. What do we do here, what if we…..’_ Remus thought closing his eyes when Greyback’s voice rang in his ears. However, he shook head and smiled a little. He then picked up a car and a track and smiled. He pushed the car down the track awkwardly. Sirius watched and laughed a little.

“That looks fun,” Sirius said picking up another car and pushed it down the track as well. Sirius laughed with Remus grabbing a shark mouth and pushed the car down the track and into the moth. Sirius made eating noises making Remus laugh silently. Victor watched with a smile as Remus and Sirius played together. It was weird to see Remus having fun, but he liked it. He was glad that both of them can be kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is going to be a part one because I don’t know what else to put in this part so, yeah. Tell me what you think. Did you like it? Thank you all for reading and I will see you next time


	6. Darkness: Part two

Victor watched them for a good hour before Remus stopped and took a deep breath. Sirius, however, did not notice for a few minutes before he looked at Remus whose eyes filled with tears. Victor saw this and walked over to them but stopped when Sirius nodded. “Yeah, I know. It’s not far that this is the first time that we can play with toys. Don’t worry about the past. I’m glad that I’m here now. I don’t care about my stupid parents,” Sirius told Remus who looked at him and smiled. 

_‘Thank you, for that but you have no idea what I’ve been through. Maybe though you went through the same just not with a mad man.’_ Remus thought looking at a plush next to Sirius. Sirius followed his gaze and nodded.

“Is that your favorite animal? The wolf?” Sirius asked Remus who smiled and nodded slowly. Then he took a deep breath and opened his mouth. Victor’s eyes widened but Remus closed his mouth again. Victor sighed and walked over to them, but he just stood there behind Remus he then sat down and smiled. “I like dogs. Big ones,” Sirius said awkwardly. Remus smiled and reached out to grab the wolf and hugged it tightly. “Mother told me that well, that dogs are big messy freaks,” Sirius scoffed and looked around him to see some blocks. “Do you want to make a castle?” Sirius asked in a happy voice that seemed focused, but Remus did not care. Remus put the wolf down and nodded with a small smile on his face. He then started to stack the blocks along with Sirius.

After a while, the two boys have made a good strong castle, but it was attacked by a wolf, much to Remus’s happiness. Sirius laughed and pretended to be attacked by the plush wolf that Remus made attack it. Victor had gone someone else while both boys had played. Now, they were sitting in Sirius’s room. Sirius was telling Remus about his little brother but every once in a while he would stare at the wall as if he was lost in a memory. Much like Remus only he did not pass out. Remus was starting to like Sirius a little bit more as Sirius started talking about a prank that he had pulled on his mother. Sirius laughed as he looked out the window of his room. Remus followed his gaze and laughed silently and smiled a little, but Sirius could see a tired and sad look on his face. “Yeah, she was wonderful. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. It's all right. I’m ok,” Sirius told him standing and walked over to his bed were Remus was sitting. He then sat down and smiled. “You know what?” Remus shook his head. “I think we are going to get along,” Sirius told him not going any father in what he was telling Remus earlier. Remus nodded and took a deep breath. He never had a friend before, and it felt weird to Remus.

 _‘How to you have a friend if you don’t talk?’_ Remus thought and smiled at Sirius then he looked at the window. It was still raining. Not that Remus cared of course, but he saw Sirius’s warm grey eyes look at the window with, was it fear? Remus did not know as he stood up and walked over to the window. Sirius watched as Remus closed the shades and smiled when Sirius nodded.

“Thanks,” Sirius said slowly. Remus opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He then closed his mouth and walked back over to the bed. Remus nodded and looked around the room. It still had Sirius trunk unpacked. Remus smirked at this knowing that Sirius might be the person that does not unpack right away. However, the trunk was small that looked like it did not have much to unpack and this made Remus stare at it lost in his thoughts about what ‘he’ said to him about toys and things. Remus could not help but stare. He could not as Sirius just laughed a little at something that he had said but Remus did not hear him. Sirius looked at him as his eyes grew wide. “Remus? Remus?” Sirius asked shaking Remus gently, but Remus did not seem to notice as he stared at the floor now. “Crap,” Sirius said before he stood up fast not caring about the wave of dizziness that washed over him. He then ran out the door to find Victor hoping that it was a good idea to leave Remus alone.

Victor was talking on his phone with the lady that will talk with Remus when Sirius ran in panting like a dog. However, Victor did not see him for he was looking at his calendar. He had a pen in his hand and he wrote something on it before he turned off his phone. Victor smiled when he saw Sirius, but his smile dropped when he saw the fear and shook in Sirius’s eyes. “What happened?” Victor asked looking at Sirius. Sirius opened his mouth, but he was too scared to say anything. “It’s ok Mr. Black take your time. Why don’t you show me? All right?” Sirius nodded and grabbed Victor’s arm before he guided him to his room. In Victor’s mind he played out what was wrong and why Sirius was so scared but then again, Sirius was hanging out with Remus, and…it hit him, Remus, Remus must be seeing the past again or whatever is going out. “Sirius?” Victor questioned when they walked up to Sirius’s room the door was slightly open. Sirius looked at him with fear in his eyes.

“Y-yes?” Sirius asked shaking. Victor got down to meet his eyes. “It’s going to be ok, now, what was Remus doing before he…well, got lost in his memory’s?” Victor asked lifting Sirius’s chin because Sirius was looking down.

“He…he just sat down from closing the shade because I don’t like the rain. He.. he then was looking at my trunk. I…I don’t know…..Did……did I do something, wrong sir?” Victor shook his head.

“No, no you didn’t. Why don’t you go get Alex. He runs the place. Tell him what happened, and you can also meet him,” Victor told Sirius who took a deep calming breath and nodded slowly before he ran down the hall. Victor watched him before he walked into Sirius’s room to see Remus not moving and staring blankly at the wall. “Remus?” Victor said gently walking over to him. He then sat down and sighed. “I know. I’m right here Remus. I’m…I’m not going anywhere,” Victor told the ten-year-old who still did not move. “I’m right here,” Victor said again before he put his hand on Remus’s knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about the wait on this CH. It took me a while to get where I was going with this story. Thank you all for reading and tell me what you think. If you like and be nice, please. Thank you again and I will see you next time


	7. Darkness: part three

Sirius ran down the hall to find Alex’s office. His heart was pounding in his chest. Remus, his new friend was not himself. In fact, he was acting like him when Sirius is locked in his room or a small space. Sirius shook his head and walked up to the office of Alex. Was that his name? yes, that was his name. Sirius took a deep breath and nodded. He then raised his hand and nocked. “Come in,” a voice said from behind the door. Sirius took a deep breath and walked in. sitting at a desk was a man that looked older than Victor. “Ah, I was wondering when I was going to meet you, Mr. Black,” he said stand up making Sirius back up a little. “It’s alight. Is everything all right?” he asked Sirius who shook his head as tears formed in his eyes. “Can you tell me, or do you have to show me?” Alex asked Sirius who took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

“It’s…Its Remus sir. Remus Lupin…Victor he…..he told me to tell you that…I don’t know what is going on, but he said that Remus is lost in a memory or something,” Sirius said slowly with tears pouring out of his eyes. He did not know why, however, for he just met Remus. Maybe because he sees himself in him. He thinks maybe Remus sees him in Sirius as well. Alex nodded and stood up however he did not say anything as he sighed and walked over to the door.

“All right. It's going to be ok,” Alex told him getting down to meet Sirius’s gray eyes. “Everything will be ok. Remus will be ok. I’m going to go check on him do you want to come with me?” Alex asked Sirius who nodded nervously. Alex smiled before he walked out of the door with Sirius following him.

_When Remus woke again he heard someone call out upstairs, but he did not call back as the dust-filled his throat and the pain. He wished that he could call out, but he didn’t want to talk. “Hello? is anyone here?” the voice called but it was not angry, and this made Remus confused. The voice was worried. Remus tried to stand but he fell knocking over a broom that was next to him. Remus flinched at the loud noise that it made but instead of someone yelling at him, Remus heard the voice call out again before Remus heard the door to the basement unlocked. Remus closed his eyes and felt tears, but he did not know if they were from the pain or the fact that he might get out of here. However, he did not know what he wanted. “Oh my…” the voice called as he ran over to Remus as he laid there with blood coming from the scar from his side. Remus’s shirt was ripped, and he was so thin you can see his rips. Remus opened his eyes when he heard the voice. “Kid? Can you hear me?” Remus looked up to the man and nodded weakly. “What’s your name?” he asked Remus, but Remus did not say anything because he didn’t want to speak. “Can you speak?” the man tried again but again Remus did not say anything as he shook his head slowly. The man sighed as he looked at the sadness in Remus’s eyes. “Okay, don’t worry. I’m going to get you out of here,” he said to Remus before he walked over to the stairs._

 _‘Don’t go. Please don’t…go.’_ _Remus thought before he passed out._

Remus opened his eyes and looked at Victor who was looking down. _‘What happened?’_ Remus thought looking at the door to see Alex and Sirius. Sirius looked scared out of his mind and at that moment Remus knew that he saw it. He saw Remus being broken. He saw the bad side. The side that Remus wished he could hide for everyone. Remus looked down to hide the tears in his amber eyes. _‘Don’t look at me!’_ thought Remus before he stood up not caring if Victor looked happy to see him back. Remus then closed his eyes before he took a deep breath and ran out of the room with Victor, Alex, and Sirius calling out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what is going to happen next? I’m sorry about the wait on this story I was working on the other storys that I need to finish. Tell me what you guys think. I know that there is not a lot of you out there reading this, but it just means a lot that there are some that are. Thank you for reading and I will see you next time


	8. Adopting and running

Remus did not stop running even when he ran into the street of houses. He had to get away from everyone. They saw him broken and Remus hatted when people see him as broken for only he can do that. Remus ran up the school that he saw a few days ago and walked up the playground and sat down on the ground below it. _‘Why did it happen at that point? I thought it was over.’_ Remus thought looking over to see a child hugging their mother and telling her about her day. _‘Why can’t I have that? Mum, dad I miss you and I wish that you were here.’_ Remus thought with tears in his eyes. However, he did not expect himself to make a sound when he started to cry, and this small crying sound made the mother look over to him.

“Oh my,” she called running over to Remus. Remus looked up to see her red hair fly in the wind as she ran behind her. Her daughter ran behind her calling to her, but Remus looked down again with tears in his eyes. He did not want her to see him crying but it was too late for that because Remus made a noise. The first time something came out of his mouth in a year and four months. “Are you all right?” she asked Remus who looked up at him with his amber eyes shining with tears. Remus opened his mouth but shook his head.

 _‘What do you think?’_ Remus thought before he realized that this was just like when he was in that basement while he was living with... Remus shook that thought away and pointed to his throat.

“You can't speak?” she asked Remus who nodded slowly but he shook his head and pulled out the notepad that he forgot was in his jacket and a pencil. He then worte:

 _‘I can. I just went through something that caused me not to. I’m sorry.’_ The mother looked at Remus and got down to her knees after she read this.

“I’m so sorry. Why don’t you come home with me and we can find your parents,” the mother said standing up and helping Remus to his feet. Remus let out a breath and started to write something, but he heard Victor call to him. 

“Remus!? Remus, it is ok they were not juggling you!” Victor called before he looked over to Remus and the mother. “Remus? Oh, thank goodness,” Victor called running over to Remus who wiped the tears from his eyes. “Thank you so much for finding him,” Victor said to the mother while her daughter walked over to Remus.

“Hello, I’m Lily,” Remus took her hand as she offered it to him. Remus took it and sighed.

“R..” Remus shook his head, but he looked over to Victor who gasped. “I’m….. My name……. Is…Remus,” Remus said shocking Victor who ran over to him.

“Remus, good job you spoke though you did not need to I would understand,” Remus nodded and shook his head slowly.

 _‘No, you wouldn’t but thank you.’_ Remus thought with a sigh and smiled at Lily who said:

“Do you want to play a little?” Remus smiled at her and nodded slowly.

“I…I would love to,” Remus said in a hoarse voice. Soon the two ten-year-olds ran over to the playground and started to play.

Sirius was sitting in his room crying. This was rare because he hates crying it makes people think that he is weak, and he is not. Alex left the room to take care of something else not that Sirius cared of course. Was Remus scared of him? Is that why he ran off or? Sirius shook his head and got off his bed before he walked out of the room to hear a young-looking couple saying that they were looking for a boy about ten-years-old. Sirius knew that they wouldn’t want him. Who would want a cry-baby who could not even save his brother? Sirius sighed and walked into the living area and sat down before he put his head in his hands and sighed. However, as Sirius sat there the two walked over to Sirius. “Hello there my name is Harry Potter what is yours?” the man asked shooking Sirius who looked at him. He did not say anything for a while before he sighed and said:

“Sirius Black sir but you wouldn’t want me. I’m a…” Sirius cut off when he heard someone laughing in the front. Only he never heard that laugh before. Harry smiled at him and got down to meet his eyes. Sirius flinched but relaxed when the woman did the same thing.

“Now, why would you say something like that young man you seem nice? So how about you coming with us. We read your file and you seem like the person who needs a good home,” Sirius’s eyes grew wide before he nodded slowly and got to his feet and hugged him without realizing it. 

Remus and Sirius did not expect their lives to change in a few weeks. Sirius is living with the very cop that helped Remus and his family. Remus was going to start school soon and he will be living with Victory now because like he said, he was going to adopt him, and Remus felt like he could yell and cheer when he told him this. Remus was in his room looking over everything humming to himself an old tune that his mother sang to him when he was little. He could not wait to go to his new home. however, Remus still did not speak much but he is seeing someone, and she is very nice and his helping him. Remus smiled when Victor knocked on his door. “Hey, are you ready to go?” Victor asked Remus who nodded with a smile.

“Yes,” Remus said in a quiet voice making Victor smile at him.

“All right let's go home,” Victor told Remus making him jump up and down and ran out of the room laughing to himself. at that moment Victor knew that things will be different now and for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is done! Thank you all for reading and don’t worry I will make another one just not at this moment I still want to finish some other storys and I’ve been really busy thank you all again and tell me what you think did you like it? Have a nice day and I will see you all in my next story

**Author's Note:**

> All right, man I kind of cried in the end there. New story here, tell me what you guys think. Should I continue it? It is a hard topic I know but I really liked writing this. Thank you all for reading this and I will see you next time.


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